It's the next best thing to actually being there. Of course, it's not even remotely as exciting as the real stuff, but still it's the closest I can get to him without actually taking a train. Which, in itself, is such a preposterous idea. I'm not in my twenties anymore. Neither is he. His stepson is.
The songs transport me back there. When I was twenty-five, and he was thirty-six, and we seemed to have not a care in the world whenever he came to town for a couple of gigs. I called them tour gigs, just to make myself sound posher.
All I can do now is put on my headphones and listen to other concerts, in a different city, with a different audience. I'm dissolving in his voice, the sounds of the band and the audience's reaction.
And then out of nowhere I hear him call out to his wife from the stage. It's been years since we were together, but it still feels like being punched in the gut, when your breath is kicked completely out of your ribcage, and you gawk around, disoriented, confused and in pain.
Then I come round, let my reason take over. Exactly. It's been years. It was over long ago. You were the one to end it. Remember? He always belonged to her, he was never yours to keep. Remember? You were just an inconsequential girlfan, one out of a... well, there wasn't exactly a lineup, not with you in the picture, but still...
Still, I miss him so badly it sometimes physically hurts. I know things are right now, with me alone and him with his wife. It's where we're both supposed to be. I just wish I didn't miss him so much.
The songs transport me back there. When I was twenty-five, and he was thirty-six, and we seemed to have not a care in the world whenever he came to town for a couple of gigs. I called them tour gigs, just to make myself sound posher.
All I can do now is put on my headphones and listen to other concerts, in a different city, with a different audience. I'm dissolving in his voice, the sounds of the band and the audience's reaction.
And then out of nowhere I hear him call out to his wife from the stage. It's been years since we were together, but it still feels like being punched in the gut, when your breath is kicked completely out of your ribcage, and you gawk around, disoriented, confused and in pain.
Then I come round, let my reason take over. Exactly. It's been years. It was over long ago. You were the one to end it. Remember? He always belonged to her, he was never yours to keep. Remember? You were just an inconsequential girlfan, one out of a... well, there wasn't exactly a lineup, not with you in the picture, but still...
Still, I miss him so badly it sometimes physically hurts. I know things are right now, with me alone and him with his wife. It's where we're both supposed to be. I just wish I didn't miss him so much.
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